i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We are two peas in an std pod
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize