I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
