matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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