I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
