so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
