his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
