she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
