Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
