if only i could text you this smell
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
