it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
