Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
