he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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