This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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