when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
