Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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