i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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