Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
