A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
