We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
