I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
