Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
