I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
