babies were throwing up all over the place
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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