So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
tell me about the fingering
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