he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
