He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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