I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
