I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
