How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
