Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Girls should come with a carfax report
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
