saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
