I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize