tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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