You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will be naked everywhere
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
