Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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