If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
