I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
