allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
