I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize