i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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