ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
