Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
