he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
