i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
