if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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