So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
