And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
