what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
