My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
