no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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