my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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